This summary is to separate the facts from the assumptions and common misconceptions of husbands all over the world.
Common Belief #1: A ring on a woman’s finger, makes her secure forever.
Contrary to popular belief, marriage doesn’t make a woman secure enough not to demand their husband’s attention. We are a creature of habit, and women, by nature, seek attention from men, and compete with each other for this kind of attention. It’s in our DNA. We see in movies and we hear from conversations, men saying “My girlfriend’s always jealous, and demands too much attention, I don’t want her to be jealous, so I’m going to marry her, I’m proposing next week”. In this example, we see that a man in a serious relationship thinks of marrying his girlfriend, a solution to her insecurity issues. Proposing to your girlfriend may make her elated, and confident for a certain period of time, but it doesn’t get rid of her true emotions, that are bound to surface during the marriage, if not properly resolved or addressed.
Common Belief #2: Flowers are for ladies, married women want babies.
A woman, though happily married, may still have reservations in having children. Most men think that when a woman says yes, and agrees to get married, she would immediately be ready to have children, and would want to conceive soon. She may show her willingness to have a family, however, men should still confirm if their wives are indeed prepared for pregnancy and giving birth; physically, emotionally and psychologically.
Common Belief #3: When the husband provides, the wife steps aside.
Financial security for women, though very important, is not everything a woman needs. A married woman may be more confident, and would trust her husband more if he is a productive member of the society, is successful in his field, and makes enough to give his family a comfortable life, but her husband’s financial success is not the sum of all her happiness and contentment in life. A husband’s wealth does not secure his wife’s constant happiness, faithfulness and full cooperation, it also does not mean she would always be willing to give up her career or a life long dream. This type of decision, almost always has to come from a woman’s own will, she decides with her mind and her heart, and women do a lot of thinking.
Being married myself, I shall confess of my secret wishes and desires, for my perceived happy, secure and fulfilling married life.
A Wife’s Secret Wish List: Part 1 – Your Wife’s Emotions
1. Compliments – Women just can’t get enough of hearing flattering comments. Compliment her everyday, with something as simple as “You look beautiful” or “You’re a terrific cook” and you put a smile on her face that doesn’t easily fade.
2. Flowers – Women, of all age and sort, are fond of beautiful things; and flowers, not only beautiful, but also make us feel special and valued.
3. A warm greeting in the morning – Wives are literally “suckers” for a warm greeting, hug or kiss when we wake up and get ready for the day. If you had a little argument the night before, nothing like a “good morning honey, I love you” can make her forget about it and feel better. You’d want to make her day, and try doing it everyday.
4. Let her win – Speaking of arguments, you may want to consider letting her win in most arguments, by giving in and keeping quiet, women tend to resist agreeing to their “man” in an argument, if they feel they can win it by endless talking. So spare yourself and your wife the agony, and let her win. There are wives who are quick to realize mistakes, but you show them first that you love them and that you are willing to listen to them let them win the argument.
5. Attention – I can’t stop emphasizing how important this is to a woman. Give her enough attention, even before it’s apparent that she seeks it. You’re the best person to give her the kind of attention she needs, to make her feel secure, adequate and needed. Listen to her, look at her and pay attention.
6. Your time – Apart from attention, whenever you’re together, you may want to give her your time, and show her how eager you are to spend hours with her, regardless of the occasion and your schedule. Make time for your wife, bear in mind that you’re investing on your marriage.
7. Commitment – You don’t just commit to marrying her, you commit to her baggage, her priorities, her needs and her dreams. When women say I do, we do it whole heartedly, and we expect the same commitment from our husbands.
8. Romance – So your bachelor days are over, you get hitched and you sleep with the same woman, hopefully, for the rest of your life. If you think this is scary for men, wait ’till you see into a woman’s mind, you’ll discover that she too, is scared of losing the intensity and intimacy of your relationship, once married. Reassure her by maintaining romance in your married life.
9. Conversations – She wakes you up during the wee hours, excited and/or anxious, do not make the mistake of ignoring her and going back to sleep. During these moments, no matter how tired or sleepy you are, you need to show her that you’re OK with talking, and that you’re actually open to listen to her. We. wives remember these moments, and our husbands’ reactions linger. You can’t run out of topics to talk about, and if your wife is the shy and quiet type, initiate the conversation, and reward yourself and your wife this beautiful element in a marriage.
10. Reassurance – So you don’t understand your wife’s job, hobby or fascination, it doesn’t matter if you don’t! Whenever she feels low, as the result of disappointments, insecurities or fears, you should always be there for her to give her reassurance and encouragement. You are the person she relies upon, to give her strength and confidence.
11. Help needed – For heaven’s sake, your wife is not a robot! She gets tired too, you know. So what if she’s a stay at home wife or mom, and you bring home the bacon, she does her share of work, and contributes to the relationship. She helps you by not splurging on senseless expenses, she budgets for your home, and if she’s the type, she cleans up after you. By all means, help her with her work and/or chores. If you really can’t, find a way to make her work easier, and if you can, more enjoyable.
12. Make her laugh – You work on your jokes and making people at the office and your boss crack up, you should also make it a habit to make your wife laugh. Find out, the soonest you can, about what she thinks is funny, and make her laugh whenever you can. When my husband and I fight, and he’s just tired of my nagging, all he does is say something funny, that I can’t resist laughing, and I forget about the fight and the issues.
13. Get intense and intimate – Need I say more? Whatever works for you and your wife, let it flow, and show her how passionate you are in making her happy.
14. Support her – Whatever she does, be a friend to her and support her. If she can’t it, find a way to stress how much you support her and that she can rely on you for help, and you’re the person to back her up no matter what.
15. Thank her – You can never say thank you enough, and if she’s tired of hearing you say thank you, you don’t want to be like a broken record that keeps playing, you might want to find ways to thank her, without saying those simple words. Rewards, vacations and gifts or tokens of appreciation should do the trick.
A Wife’s Secret Wish List: Part 2 – The Fun Stuff
1. Pleasant Surprises – Surprise your wife every once in a while. Sometimes, it just costs you your time, sometimes, it really costs you, but hey, it’s your wife we’re talking about. Surprise her!
2. Regular baths and a good cologne – You don’t want your wife thinking, and later on complaining about how bad you smell, bathe and groom yourself, this habit works wonders for a marriage.
3. Splurge – “Expensive” is relative, if your finances only allow you to take her to a 3 star restaurant on your anniversary, by all means, order her the house special and a bottle of not so cheap wine. When you take her out for shopping, make sure you have enough credit capacity or cash, even, to buy her what she really wants, like those pair of sexy red stilettos, instead of trying to convince her that the brown flats compliment her feet and her great legs more.
4. Make her feel sexy – Despite childbirth, work and household chores, you should find something in her that makes her sexy, if you really can’t, work on it and bust your brains if you have to. Tell her about what you think is sexy about her. Also, the red lacy lingerie you saw on the display window, should do the work for you, if you’re not big on telling your wife how sexy she is.
5. Compliment her in front of your friends – This trick is quite old, but it’s still very effective. When you ask your buddy and his wife to join you for dinner, be open about how pretty she is in that sun dress, how good the chicken your wife cooked, and how smart you think she is for getting a good bargain on the china.
6. Kiss her on the lips – Brush your teeth regularly, especially before you intend to do this. She never gets tired of kissing, so don’t just jump on her and do your thing, kiss her!
7. Make her feel wanted and desired – I’ll leave this part to your imagination, and your personal preference, my point is, a husband has to make sure that his wife feels wanted and desired.
8. Be adventurous – Explore things you haven’t done before, go to places you and your wife have always thought about, but haven’t gone before. The element of surprise and excitement should always be present in any marriage.
9. Write her love letters – You can be serious, or fun and playful, doesn’t matter, as long as you’re spontaneous and sincere. Go ahead and put your thoughts in writing, and let her read about how much you love her.
10. And last, but not the least, Remember! – Remember the dates of very special occasions like her birthday, your anniversary, the first time you met, the first time you kissed, the day you proposed, remember these dates, the memories and circumstances, and do something special or prepare something nice and sweet for your wife while you and your wife reminisce.