I’m getting married in April. I have been getting gifts from my bridal registry from strangers. I was so confused and started asking people if they knew any of these names. Then on Tuesday I got the biggest ticket item from the registry (a Kitchenaid mixer – my mom told me she wanted to get me one and to register for whatever one I liked best) AND accessories (a pasta making kit and a sausage kit, both super expensive) and a heartfelt note about how this woman knows I only registered for the mixer but she has those attachments and loves them and hopes I love them too…and I recognized the name as someone FMIL knows.
It turns out that she has a massive email list of people that she uses to send out family news, events, etc. It includes everyone from friends to neighbors to extended family to coworkers to most of their church.
So apparently when we made the guest list and she asked “what do I do about people I want invited?” we said “we pretty much have the invites ready to go and can’t do many more, but if there’s anyone super important let us know and we’ll see if we can work it in.” She interpreted that as “we don’t have enough physical copies of the invitation” instead of “we aren’t inviting more people than we already listed.”
The email FMIL sent out said that I was having an “online bridal shower” (that’s what she thought the registry was?) and the link to the registry. So her friends have been sending me gifts from it thinking that it’s my online bridal shower.
She also included that we don’t have enough invitations for everyone and gave them all the info – location, date/time, her recommended attire, info on parking, info about the menu, everything.
This morning at like 6AM I got to see the email (and the many responses of people saying they’ll be there).
Now the icing on the cake is that FH was called to do one last military thing before being discharged. He is set to come home on March 22nd but it is highly unlikely I will hear from him before then. Of course I can get through to his higher ups if there is a genuine emergency but of course this isn’t going to count.
So I am all on my own here and I am drowning in this problem. There are more than 200 people on this list, we have received 25 gifts from strangers who think they’re coming to our wedding… I didn’t even know people SENT gifts ahead of time. And it turns out they do. But probably because they think they’re coming to our wedding.
Our guest list only has 75 and our venue only accommodates 80, and that extra 5 is the photographer and similar. Changing things to add these people would be an absolute nightmare logistically and financially, we’d need a new venue and spend waaay more on food/drink/etc.
I asked FMIL to immediately contact these people and let them know the situation. She said she can’t uninvite them and we need to make it work for them to come. I asked “who is going to pay for it?” and she said she would, but then as soon as she heard how much it will actually cost to upgrade to the bigger ballroom at the venue AND food per person AND more cake AND drinks (and we don’t even know how many of these people plan to come!) it is way more than she can afford.
So I again asked her to contact them and she said she will “think about the options” and hung up on me. I called her back and she ignored my call. I don’t even have a copy of this list of people to do it myself.
At this point I am thinking I have to hire someone to stand at the door with a list and turn people away.. 🙁 totally not the vibe I wanted.
I am feeling so angry and frustrated and ANGRY (again) and sad that people spent money on us thinking we included them in the wedding when we didn’t…and so much more. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to look at my MIL and NOT think she’s ridiculous. And I am sure when she looks at me she will always see me as the person who turned away her guests to her own son’s wedding.